A Bad Day Is Good Practice
It is easy to hate your anxious self. To demonise that part of you that makes everything so fucking tricky. Turns the simple into a puzzle. For years I’ve screamed at my anxious self. “You’re fine Blair shut the fuck up.” whilst shaking my body and tensing my muscles. The big secret is this does not work.
Look, I know some famous athletes are instinctually overrun by self-hatred, and the hypothesis is that they are who they are because of their demons. For those unique individuals, it may be easier to see the utility in their hate. For mere mortals like us, we don’t have that alien life. We, most likely, are not elite in any way. So, it is harder to enjoy the part of you that causes you so much frustration. I know my anxious side fuels my writing; the ability to think so profoundly is almost entirely down to that part of my brain that teleports me to the future and the past in a millisecond. But that does not seem enough to garner genuine appreciation. The frustration my anxious side has caused me is too ingrained to be erased by some pretentious weekly blog (subscribe to the mailing list). So, how do we politely decline our anxious side? With compassion.
“Thanks but no thanks, I don’t need you right now.” If the day comes when you are about to be mugged, your body’s caveman reaction will be of use. Tense and fast. But, 99% of the time, where your evolutionary defence mechanisms are not helpful, we can recognise the fight or flight response awakening and slowly bring it down with our deep breathing (through the nose). Notice and return. Those thoughts, those scary borderline insane thoughts? Notice them and return to your breathing. Thanks, but no thanks. Maybe go as far as saying aloud, “thanks but no thanks.” because think about what your body is doing! It isn’t trying to ruin your day; it is trying to ensure your survival. It cares about you, but it only knows, typically, two ways to react -run from the tiger or spear the mammoth.
Notice and return is hard, by the way. It takes practice, just like every other aspect of life. It is taken from Paul Gilbert’s book “The Compassionate Mind.”, which I highly recommend. One thing that is worth remembering is that compassion without courage is meaningless. It requires courage to ‘notice and return’, to say ‘thanks but no thanks’. This fundamental rewiring of your brain will be challenging, and sometimes, it will exhaust you to the point where you have a bad day. But, just as we can be grateful towards our anxious self for trying to protect us. We can be appreciative of a lousy day because
A Bad Day Is Good Practice.
Those days when it feels like you have taken a massive backwards step in your mental health journey. You feel like you’ve failed; all the hard work over the past few months was for nothing! Some problems have arisen again, and you feel so disheartened by them.
No, bad days just happen. And what happened exactly? You felt anxious all day? Didn’t leave the house, perhaps? Worried that tomorrow will be the same, watching your anxious self propelling you away from the present. During these days, you can notice and return and get the best breathing going, but it might still be a shitty day. But how does a shitty day end? With survival.
That awful fucking day is over, and you survived. Your anxious brain might lead you towards doomsday scenarios, but it also can show you that “you survived today, and today was horrible.” You got some practice in. A lousy memory that boosts your confidence from here on out. ‘Notice and Return’ works with thoughts in the present and about the past. You don’t want to avoid thinking about the bad days. As uncomfortable as it may be, these memories have value, and you don’t have to run from them. Add to the list of your accomplishments and be proud.
To wrap up, here is one of my favourite clips from Breaking Bad. It doesn’t require any explanation. God, Breaking Bad was so fucking good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzjubQdygLE&ab_channel=LVSN
Cheers.