Cadbury Darkmilk Chocolate Advert With Jason Donovan
"it's for people that have grown up a bit." What the fuck. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScWFLLaUjok&ab_channel=ObsoleteArchive
Man, you gotta watch this advert. Firstly, you've got Jason Donovan, famous for being on neighbours with Kylie Minogue (The murderer Kylie Minogue, check out that blog) and subsequently dating her. Then I remember him being on 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Outta Here'? Yea? So they are aiming for an older audience, hoping Mr Donovan will seduce all the grannies to eat some dark chocolate. Perhaps, more ageing men will take his advice due to the mutual respect he probably gained by fucking Kylie.
The advert begins with Big Jason in casual clothes because he is just a typical bloke, eh. Grey jumper and a pair of jeans, nothing flashy. A wee dog is occasionally shown while Jason makes a cup of tea. Oh, so relatable. It is like a Sunday, a chill day for John to have his cup of tea, relax and sell to you dark chocolate for mature taste buds only. I guess that he at least earned over ten grand for this shit.
He asks, "remember me?" then vaguely references things he was famous for. Shit, the oldies will understand. Jason then claims it is okay if you do not remember him because he is ONLY talking to those who do. What a piece of shit. I mean, I didn't know you used to have a mullet? Are you turning your back on me, Jason?
It continues as he bins the tea bag, and the dog comes rushing into the kitchen. Now, here comes the most exciting bit. A man that cleans up after himself. This moment truly blew my mind. If you haven't watched it yet, I'll insert a wee photo here to show the same face I am talking about.
“You could say it’s been made especially for you.”
Right, look at that smile. Fucking hyper that this bar of chocolate is for old people. For people that have “grown up a bit.” However, it does switch to a medium shot of the dog looking at John just after his terrifying smile into the camera. To me, this MUST be implying that the dog is thinking, “right, calm down, Jason.” Something of that nature. But, what Jason says at this moment isn’t any more strange and far-fetched than the shit he has been spouting before that point. The dog leaves Jason at the end, presumably had enough of this unexplainable enthusiasm for manipulating pensioners to eat more chocolate. Pensioners love biscuits anyway; what the fuck are you doing trying to get them to eat chocolate bars.
I will admit, the way John says, “chocolate” does make me want to have chocolate. Like, he has a texture in his voice that mirrors how I would talk with a mouthful of chocolate. What also helps is just the sheer amount of times he says chocolate.
I’d say that deep down, there is something almost evil about this advert. But that is just advertising in general. The humour, in this case, is distracting enough, though. The sophistication and maturity Dairy Milk is trying to force onto a chocolate bar is asinine, surely? Will this work on the elderly? Do pensioners become as easy to manipulate as children? Who knows.
Advertising should be against our human rights and fuck you, Jason Donovan, you weirdo.
Cheers