Muscle Fit
Oh, to be strong…to look strong…to look strong…and to look strong.
Unable to move with comfort, nipples on show and sweat marks impossible to disguise. As long as some cunt knows I go to the gym, it is worth it. Not even sure it is for women at this point, just anyone. LOOK, I'm in pretty good shape.
I wonder how malicious it is. Like, it is a form of showing off, isn't it? And showing off often is about illustrating to people the things you have that they do not. Wearing a new pair of expensive shoes to school that you'll wreck almost instantly, but you have to show off. Look, my parents care about me, look I have expensive tastes, look my parents cater to my costly tastes. I work out often, I am disciplined, I eat clean, I look…good.
It is interesting how pride fits into all of this. Being proud of the work you've put in but feeling uncomfortable revealing it. Kinda like how a weight loss photo is way more acceptable than a 'here is my consistently good body' photo. People want the journey, and they like knowing what you were and knowing how different that was. It is assumed that you're more deserving of praise or admiration if you don't always have your ideal body. Not only that but perhaps you NEED that praise. Fit people won't need it, surely?
Henry Rollins' first appearance on JRE was great; I may have even mentioned it here. But at one point, he talks about working out, and how it was the most control he ever had as a child/teenager. The most apparent input, process, and output. I do this, I do this consistently, and boom, there is the result. That is what working out is, deep down, a pure form of achievement. Yes, you can focus on how much you lift or ultimately start comparing yourself to other people who look even better, but overall if you put the work in, you reap the rewards. In the film 'Coach Carter', fucking great film, by the way, the basketball coach notices his team flaunting their newfound success. Often showboating, forgetting that two games prior, they could barely make a basket. The coach mocks them, "I did that!" he shouts as they rehearse a play he created. The issue here is the team are not humble. However, they are a team. Working out is an individual pursuit with zero competition. Being humble does not seem necessary, and wearing tight-fitting clothing to show off your achievements seems…fine? For someone not in shape to take the clothing choice as an offence would be ludicrous. When I see my body, I think I DID THAT. What happens when the validation you desire does not come from within?
Pop on your regular fitting t-shirt; wait a minute, I look like shit. The muscles are gone, the definition, the acknowledgement. Now people don't know what I've done. So this wasn't even for me? Or it was initially, but now that is not enough. An enormous concoction of insecurity juxtaposed with vanity's chameleon existence. You get too accustomed to muscle fit, and if you aren't making the gains in the gym, you become reliant on it. It is a fucking hilarious addiction. An addiction I've gotten over, but if you ever see me hungover, you might also see me in a fucking wet suit.
The more I write about vanity, which featured heavily in 'Dishevelled With A Purpose', the more it becomes apparent that vanity might hold the same place in my heart as nostalgia does. It has its good and bad points; however, only the negatives are obtainable to some. Personally, I do not think men are allowed to be vain, and I'm undecided whether that annoys me or not. Part of me is happy with that because vanity does seem very empty. However, if it is making you happy, why should I or anyone deem it a bad quality to hold for whatever legitimate or superficial reason?
What is your view on vanity?
Cheers