Old Bitch

She miraculously commanded attention. We had never discussed that all of us would stop our conversations when she entered a room. At first, my theory was that this woman was insanely attractive in her youth. Yano, the type of woman you don't actually want to know exists. Painful beauty. You shake your head. But, the more I stared at her…I couldn't see it. There was no obvious indication, yet this woman held such power. 

Finally, after another one of her silencing appearances, I asked my pals what the fuck was going on. 

"What the fuck is going?"

"What?"

"Just now. we were talking."

“Yea…?”

"Yeah, and we stopped as soon as that woman came in! What is it? What is it about her?"

"Ehhh I don't know. I hadn't noticed."

"What do you mean you hadn't noticed? How could you not notice? Every time that old bitch comes in we shut up. Why?"

"I don't know, Alan, I guess she is attractive? well, not really, but…."

"Attractive? She is about eighty."

"Aye, but maybe she used to be."

"Oh really? What makes you think that? Tell me something about her physical appearance that makes you believe that she was attractive at any point in her life?”

"Well, I guess her hips are quite…."

"Nope. We both know those hips are narrow as fuck and hips don't shrink. Well, I assume they don't."

"Her smile is nice."

"We've seen her smile once and she has been coming here for months. It was when John went to give her change after she paid with card."

"I don't know Alan, alright? Who cares?"

"Her eyes are too close together. Narrow hips, unquestionably narrow hips. I don't know about the tits situation. Crooked teeth. Expressionless eyes…"

"Here what are you doing right now? Just roasting a random pentioner? Did your gran used to batter you or something? Stop being a dickhead."

"I'm not being a dickhead! I'm saying she is beautiful!"

"Whatever man, you're losing it."

So I was far from discovering the woman's hidden allure. Later, I repeated the debate, but this time I emphasised my own silencing, that I, too, was powerless. I let them know that we are all in this together and that this could be some cool investigation we could begin. Hoping for some enlightenment born out of comfortable comradery. But, no. It didn't work. The last time I brought it up, some idiot suggested that she reminded him of his Mum, followed by a bizarre conversation about Jake's childhood and his Mum's bidet. 

This woman questions my shallow sensibilities. A lust that defies logic, but is lust always logical? I wrote that I didn't see it in her, but she has it. Some mixture of confidence and authority…She doesn't say much, but whenever she speaks, the world stops. Cars freeze in the middle of the road, and birds float in the sky, but I fall to my knees. 

This old bitch redefines beauty.