Unemployment

I started writing this instead of going for my third wank of the day. And by third, I actually meant fourth. I’m hungover…I’m unemployed.

Unemployment is grim. Everyone knows it, but no one talks about it in detail. If you have read any of my work before, you’ll know I hate caveats. There is a concept I learned in philosophy called “the charitable observer.” It is essentially giving someone the benefit of the doubt. I don’t need to hear you say, “I love Cristiano Ronaldo; I think he is great, but… he lacks pace nowadays.” This is a bad example. Anyway, my caveat is I am spoilt. I returned from Cambodia and currently live with my parents. They took me in and have paid for everything. Some people don’t have that luxury. I will say though, I was literally rejected for universal credit because they assumed I’d leave the UK again (I am moving to Spain next month, so they were right). The jobs I got interviews for were almost entirely because of the volunteering I do (National Autistic Society, Voiceability, and Shout…God, I’m such a good guy). Worth noting, I can only do the volunteering because of my privileged position. Would I fuck be spending my days off volunteering if I had a job. Well, I do care about the autism stuff to be fair.

Mental Health

My mental health has basically been fine. The tools I have to cope with anxiety, etc. are very strong nowadays. Unemployment probably has made me feel depressed at times. My routine has been good; I can now do pull-ups. But, applying for jobs can teleport you to the imaginary future. People with anxious minds will relate to this in general. I apply for a job and then start to wonder what I’ll spend my first pay on. Wondering if I’ll need to buy new shirts or if the ones I already have are good enough. Looking at flats in Glasgow…nightmare. Anyway, the rejections are a big blow because of this. Also, I’m just quite an arrogant person. There hasn’t been one job I’ve applied for that I don’t think I would be good at. I try to remind myself that it is up to me to convince people I am worth it. I am a stranger to them. Ultimately, what impacted me the most was that I was applying for jobs I didn’t really want because I don’t want to be in the UK. The teaching jobs abroad I applied for were fucking crazy also because I started living in Brazil in my head. Wondering what fucking Togo is like. You read that right, I was interviewed for a job in Togo. So, getting rejected by employers in Scotland was a bit of a double whammy. Like getting blocked by a girl on Tinder that you weren’t that interested in anyway.

My advice to people who are unemployed is to volunteer. Look, you’re doing fuck all anyway. Just do it. It feels good and it gives you obligations. Life with ZERO obligations is a bit too jarring, I believe.

Oh yea, bitterness. I am so fucking bitter. I always have been but when things aren’t going well for me, my bitterness explodes. It is very ugly part of my personality. I am seeing wealth and connections too much. I’ll sit and watch tv, search up one of the actors and I know I’ll see that they went to private school. Every single time. Cambodia taught me of the existence of international schools and ever since, now that I fully understand the money involved, I can’t help but be filled with hatred. The kicker is that it doesn’t even logically make sense. These people can still be good people. They can still be smart, funny and maybe I could fall in love with someone with that background. But for now, is just anger.

Private School = Connections = Jobs.

CVs

CVs are bullshit. I fucking hate it. Someone recently redid my CV; she works in HR, so she is good at that stuff. Lo and behold, I got an interview for a job afterward. I had to cancel the interview because of the Spain stuff, but it was bittersweet to see that the bullshit works. Why do we all accept it? I know, I know, “you just gotta play the game.” But why the fuck are we all playing a game? I guess I have very little to say about CVs…Oh, do employers prefer two columns, not three? Oh, they prefer insert font not insert font? Well, how about they fucking get over it. Weirdos, man. And here, I know what you are thinking. That the CV is meant to be systematic and the cover letter is where your personality comes through. NAW. We all know the cover letters are the same shit. Using all these words that they like to hear, ticking a box. I am a natural leader. Get to fuck.

Interviews

I used to say I was good in interviews. Or rather, would be good. This is my first time being unemployed, to be fair. Worked from 18-27 basically non-stop. I’m good on the spot, but because of this, I don’t put in the effort to properly rehearse. I remember a former partner of mine wanted to role-play in preparation for an interview and I was like, “absolutely not.” Perhaps, a vulnerability thing. I applied for probably over 60 jobs and got maybe three or four interviews. I have a master's in comparative literature and philosophy and retail management experience both here and abroad. But, I am still shite, apparently. Anyway, the interviews I did get followed a set structure. Interviews nowadays are trying too hard to be “fair.” As in, they ask every single applicant the exact same questions, in the same order, and just note down the responses. It has become an academic exercise that doesn’t necessarily find the best candidate, but it does prevent any liability issues. People are afraid. Everyone is fucking afraid. My bad performances in these sorts of interviews are 1) because I am a bad student and 2) I stupidly let my ideologies impact my behavior i.e., fuck them for being so robotic…and then rightfully rejecting me.

Closing Remarks

Truthfully, it is good to just write again. As you can see, my life has been very, very frustrating. Unemployment is like that, but also, trying to escape the country every second of every day is a bit daunting. Luckily, the Spain thing is happening. Thank fuck for that. I guess the saddest part about being unemployed is that it will make people never want to be unemployed again. They will stay in shitty jobs or jobs they hate because the alternative is too risky and terrifying. Enjoying your 35 days holiday a year, knowing you’re never ever leaving for any considerable amount of time. Spending a grand on a 5-day holiday. I’m at a bit of an impasse in my life. Yano, went to Cambodia, seen what that shit was like. Came back, and now I’m off again. I have many goals for Spain. In fact, I’ll attach a photo of the notes from my phone. Some of the goals are definitely inspired by unemployment. Keep learning, keep developing, and for the love of God, keep changing.

Cheers.