More Therapy Stuff

This week’s ‘homework’

So, My therapist got me to note down some of my usual thoughts that may lead to anxiety. From what I can tell, the exercise was more about just identifying yout thoughts and your reactions to them. Allowing yourself to face those thoughts, not to run away but to experience those thoughts whilst focussing on things like breathing etc.

Most likely, I subconsciously view mental health issues as weakness. It is something that unsurprisingly affects men very strongly. So when I experience anxiety in public, there is a deep feeling of shame despite intellectually recognising there is nothing wrong with having anxiety. I assume it is why that scene from Good Will Hunting hits home so much. Yano, the “it’s not your fault scene.” Show a man that scene and watch him cry.

So, I want to first identify the foundation of my fear, i.e. embarrassment, and then once it is identified, I can work on potentially replacing that feeling or reducing its power.

The small diagram with the Present->Future bit is representative of where our consciousness floats. We are somewhere between past and present, thinking of what you will eat for lunch whilst also remembering that you don’t like chicken. Thinking about the future is often very helpful. Planning your day, booking flights, putting on a washing etc. It helps you tick boxes. However, that same tool we use can also be negative. The famous double-edged sword analogy is useful here, but I prefer imagining a hammer. You can use a hammer to hammer in nails, but you could also smack yourself in the head. No need to feel frustrated about it; it is just a fact in nature that the mind has many different uses, some of which are outdated because we are not cavemen anymore. So, My therapist talked about pulling yourself back as you feel your unhelpful thoughts creeping more into the future. “What if I forget how to walk whilst on my way to work?” You focus on your breathing, and that embarrassing thought will slowly feel less real. Pulling yourself back into the present.

Now, I thought the Threat, Drive and Soothing part of the session was beneficial. It is filled with metaphor, and probably because I’m a guy, gym analogies are working well. So we see a threat; for me, I might see a big open road and feel anxious. The threat has been identified, and because I’ve spent years running from the thoughts, my reaction to it is always drive. I.e. I run home with my hood up. So the driving muscle is very, very strong. The soothing muscle, on the other hand, is very underdeveloped. It hasn’t been used enough. It is probably why men fight so much. Some guys get name called and flip out with violence because they never use the soothing muscle, in that moment the drive is the only option. My plan now is to work out that muscle more. Whether by walking slower, standing still more, meditation etc. etc. I want to channel that soothing part of the brain to teach it that that part is a viable option. Think about it, your brain has identified a threat, and it has to decide between a powerful muscle and a weak muscle. It is bound to pick the stronger muscle; your body reacts correctly.

But now, we work on building up that weaker muscle. Challenging yourself. So for me, I want to walk slower when I am out and about. Walk slower, work on my breathing, standing still at points. Repetition to make my soothing part more viable. Then it becomes muscle memory that the brain knows the soothing part is the best for specific scenarios.

It is important to remember these anxious thoughts are fine. They feel real, but they aren’t really; they live in an imaginary future. But you probably can’t change them. Instead, you want to work, I want to work, on how I respond to them.

Cheers.