“My mental illness is my strength”
You sure, man?
I've tried to think this way before. Even believed it to some extent momentarily. I understand the benefits of the mentality. That yea, my anxiety is shit, but it makes me a very prepared person. My depression really sucks, but it has taught me that I can survive the deepest of lows. My battles with mental health have granted me access to a particular form of empathy that is only acquired through experience. There is truth in all of that. It helps people believe that somehow, you've managed to flip your debilitating illness from a positive to a negative, a weakness to a strength. It is a lie.
I remember reading once that those with anxiety will be tremendous during an emergency. They envision worst-case scenarios, not only on a day to day basis but an hour to hour. The number of times I imagine the floor sinking beneath me. The initial scream from your heart to a smirked shake of the head to a "fuck sake, why is this me." So great, if the ground ever does actually swallow me up, I might be suspiciously calmer than the cunt beside me whilst we BOTH die. What a treat! What a helpful tool I have. Not for nothing; it does feel like my imagination is enhanced due to my anxiety. Such vivid, terrifyingly stupid thoughts. 'Someone kick me out of my mind. I hate these thoughts. I can't deny.'
I must admit, perception definitely needs to be considered. Some probably can trick their mind so effectively that maybe their anxiety does seem like a gift. And if one were to fully cater their life to combat their mental health issue, then they could, I suppose, sorta wipe the slate clean? That 'this is my ordinary life - my routine. Anything I can squeeze into my routine is a bonus, a treat.' However, to truly cater your life to your mental illness, you'll have to be so stringent against change. Once the train is pushed off track, it is tough to regain control. You must drive the train, place down the tracks, and, of course, overcharge yourself as a paying customer.
What is the best mindset, then? Other than yano, doing the smart thing and talking to a professional. Who has the time for that shit? I am a two-time antidepressants subscriber, a DOUBLE CHAMP. The undisputed champion of diluted realities. Indeed I know best right???? But seriously, what is the best mindset we can teach ourselves to follow? Professional help is difficult to obtain for a plethora of reasons. (Do you know I have used 'plethora of reasons' in many essays, and every time it gets highlighted, and the note is "?"? it fucking makes sense. The word I've picked out to sound smart, and they always fucking highlight it, indicating it is wrong. Cunts, man.)
The 'Yup, this is shite' mantra. Pros- honesty, I am all about honesty. Basically a form of acceptance, really. However, as I said, if you were to cater your life to your illness- as hard as that can be, it is a form of acceptance. The cons are very much dependant on the person. Like you can be "yup, this is shite" whilst laughing yano. "Jesus Christ, I'm so ill" whilst in stitches. But ultimately, if you start to hate your illness, I doubt that leads to much success and potentially a culpability issue.
How about loving it? Well, it seems like a lie. Unless you adopt the position that your illness is a part of you, and thus, love yourself. That is another phrase I hate, though. Love yourself. Don't fucking love yourself; think of yourself as pretty good. Love is way too extreme. Yano, who probably loves himself? James Corden. Anyway, can you effectively fight something you love? As it does appear that there has to be a fight of some sort. You cannot just ignore it…or can you?
Removing ownership. Your illness is another entity. A parasite. You take antioxidants to suppress the parasite. You start going jogs to stop the parasite. You do not drink alcohol excessively to CONTINUE the suppression of the parasite. You don't feel anything for the parasite; it is just a thing that exists. Perhaps this works for minor issues, but I don't see it being practical to any mental illnesses that really have a stronghold over your life.
I don't know. I think about it a lot but am still undecided. Indeed, treating your illness as a positive doesn't sit right with me. Admittedly, I do often equate the truth with what is best. It is something I'll write about again at some point.
Cheers